“Old Dogs”

“Old Dogs”-2009
Starring: Robin Williams, John Travolta
Written By: David Diamond, David Weissman
Directed By: Walt Becker

* (out of 4)

“Old Dogs” makes a big miscalculation right from the start in giving the focus to dull adult characters instead of the kids. Kids don’t care about the adults’ dull corporate world. In a kids movie, it is my opinion that  kids would want to see other kids. The kids in this movie serve very little purpose other than to make Robin Williams character’s life more miserable. And so he can learn how to be a parent. So why are the kids basically pushed aside in favor of these two morons? The kids are practically background characters. The kids are an afterthought, not only to Travolta and Williams, but apparently to the filmmakers, too.

Dan (Williams) and Charlie (Travolta) are sports marketing executives, about to get the biggest deal of their lives. So what could possibly go wrong??

7 years ago, Dan went through a divorce, so Charlie took him out on a night of freedom. Dan got drunk, got a tattoo, met a girl, got married and promptly divorced the next morning, never to see the woman again (or so he thought….) Wouldn’t you know it, just as Charlie and Dan are about to close in on that big deal, Dan’s one-night wife comes into town in need of a temporary babysitter while she goes off to jail for 2 weeks. (Her friend, who is a hand model, was supposed to do it, but she gets her hands slammed in a trunk and is held up at the hospital.)
Dan and Charlie, of course, don’t know how to be parents.  And anywhere they go with the kids, they are always, inexplicably, being mistaken for the kids’ grandparents. And for being gay. Why we need gay jokes in a kids film is beyond me.
Will Dan figure out his priorities and learn how to be a dad? In a movie like this, why do I even need to ask this question?

The film is woefully unfunny, the directing is sloppy, frantic, and messy. The writing is amateurish. And we keep getting random cutaways to reaction shots of Charlie’s dog. I guess those are supposed to punctuate the laugh lines. Problem is it really doesn’t have any.
The best thing, really the only good thing,  about this film is the old songs used on the soundtrack. (Although there isn’t a single reason for any of the great songs to be in this film. My only guess is that they were put in to give the adults in the audience something to enjoy, because the rest of the film sure won’t do it.)
I’ll wrap up with this: At one point, one of the kids says “We should get a merit badge just for being his kid.” The audience should get a freaking medal for making it through the whole movie.